The Bad Mother
Sometimes I feel like the
worst mother in the world. Many of you
know that I have a daughter, Kassi, who is 22 and the most precious thing in
the world to me. What you may not know
is that I have two other kids. They are
30 and almost 28, a woman and a man.
My older two children are not
in my life, and it breaks my heart. I
think the problems came from both sides.
I am bipolar with all that brings.
I have pushed them away at times and not always been the best
mother. My daughter is a narcissist, and
my son has borderline personality disorder.
So the problems come from both sides.
It’s been over 4 years since
I’ve had a relationship with my daughter.
My son has been back and forth but his BPD caused numerous problems, and
I haven’t seen him in a year and a half.
Between them they also have my 5 grandbabies who I don’t get to have any
contact with, and that also breaks my heart.
These children are growing up not even knowing they have a grandma who
loves them tremendously.
I continue to reach out to
them regularly via email, text, phone, and facebook. They have me blocked, but I still try. I just want to open communication and try to
figure things out, but they are absolutely unresponsive. I get nothing in return.
I’m crying as I write this because
I have nothing left to try. I admit my
faults and take responsibility. I can
forgive theirs, but they won’t even have any communication with me at all. They ignore every attempt I make. My heart is broken.
There’s nothing left to
say. I can’t and won’t stop trying. Maybe someday. That’s my hope. Maybe someday.
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I pray you will someday be able to have relationships with your other children. My 5 children had to see me at my worst when I got very sick and their father convinced them to write letters to get me to leave I was having a psychotic episode and was very sick. My ex had me go to a mental hospital and while I was in the hospital he packed some of my things and got my parents to send my little brother to come out and pick me up and take me home to my parents. I had to say goodbye to my children and without me knowing it my ex had told my children mom is going to better docs where there papa and mamo lived. So they thought I was going to be able to come back. Wrong!!! A couple months went by and my ex filed for divorce and would hardly have contact with the children over the phone. It was three years before I got to see my children in person. My ex married again within a few months from our divorce. So I feel for you and what you are going through.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing! It makes me feel less alone.
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