I Am Worthy

I Am Worthy

I was reminded today that I am worthy.  Something I have not felt in a long time.  In this context I was reminded that I am worthy of not just feeling good but looking good.  Again, something I haven’t felt in a long time.

Since I’ve been on medication I have gained a lot of weight.  That has been a big hit to my self-esteem, a self-esteem that has already taken a beating.  Since I’m not working I have really let myself go.  I don’t leave the house that often so I don’t even get dressed half the time, let alone shower, do my hair, or wear makeup.  It’s gotten really bad.  Someone reminded me that all of this probably makes me feel even worse about myself, and they’re right.  This fucking illness has robbed me of my sense of worth and my desire to look my best.

Starting in a few days I am going to make an attempt to change this, at least some days.  I need to get up the energy and motivation to shower and get dressed.  I can also put some product in my hair and make it look a lot better.  I can get dressed in regular clothes instead of staying in my pajamas all day.

And then let’s talk about makeup.  I used to wear makeup every day, and I actually loved the way I looked.  Now I haven’t worn makeup more than two or three times in a year.  My daughter, who is a wiz at makeup has decided to make me her pet project.  We shopped together online the other day and ordered enough makeup to cover all of my needs and wants.  We had such a good time doing it together, and we bought from some low-priced stores so it didn’t break my bank.

Now comes the hard part…actually putting it on.  I don’t even really remember how to do any of it.  This is again where my daughter comes in.  She’s going to give me lessons, and I definitely need them since I’m starting from scratch.  And the fact that I will get to spend a lot more time with my daughter is further motivation to get myself together.

So I am worthy of looking more like a well-groomed, dressed, and made up woman, even if I’m not going anywhere or meeting anyone.  I just need to change my mind-set, and that’s where the trouble has been for me in the past.  But I have some determination and a daughter who is excited to do this with me.

So wish me luck on my new grooming and dressing venture.  And remember that you, too, are worthy and worth it.