The Sad Clown

The Sad Clown

My daughter has been slowly getting me to come around to doing my makeup sometimes.  I bought all new product (my old stuff was years old).  I was looking forward to doing something she was excited about that we could share.

The thing is that I feel kind of silly putting on a full face of makeup when I’m not going anywhere and nobody is going to see me.  I know it supposed to be good for my self-esteem, and I can see that I look way better.  I need a lot of practice, though, to really master the techniques and trends so I look more current.  Not an easy thing when you are 51 years old.

And the other thing is that I feel sometimes like it’s a mask.  Like a sad clown.  I still feel depressed.  I still feel down.  I want to feel like I look.  Maybe if I keep trying I will get there.  I’ve been feeling really down a lot lately, and nothing seems to bring me up for very long.  I need another med change.

So until then I’m going to keep trying with the makeup just to see if it makes me feel any better.  At least I get to share it with my daughter who is gorgeous with and without makeup.  I want to be as excited about it as she is.  Maybe I will get there.  I hope so.