The Search Is On

The Search Is On

My psychiatrist (who is actually a nurse practitioner) has been making me feel a little crazy and a lot dismissed.  She’s good  with med management but bad with her people skills.  She has even called my anxiety/panic attacks “temper tantrums” like I’m a 3 year old who can control them.  I am not happy with the way she is treating me, like I am wasting her time and should be grateful to get to see her.

Another reason that I am veering away from her is that my SSDI review will be up next June.  I already have extreme anxiety about it.  So what does she do?  She tells me that I will feel better if I get a job.  Hello?  Does she even know me?  I have to take Xanax just to walk out of the house.  There’s no way I can hold a job.  Luckily my therapist strongly agrees.  But I don’t know if the SSDI people will put as much weight into a nurse practitioner as they will an actual pdoc.

So I have begun the quest to find a new doctor.  It’s a real pain in the ass.  Finding doctors, going in to meet with them for that first appointment, seeing if you mesh well.  It’s expensive and can be a big waste of time.  I hate it, but I feel that it is necessary.

I went to an intake yesterday for a doctor.  It was long.  Turns out this practice does “telemedicine.”  That means I will see the doctor on their TV screen, and he will see me, but not in person.  Not sure how I feel about this, but I will give it a try.  They seem to be very responsive to any needs, so that is a big plus.  I also have an appointment with a different doctor tomorrow.

One of my big things is that they don’t start fucking with my meds.  I’m relatively stable now so I’m open to tweaking things a bit but not any big changes.  The one medicine I think will be a problem will be my Xanax.  Docs just don’t like prescribing it, and I really need it to function.

I wish these new docs could just read my whole history file and understand what my problems are without me having to explain every single thing.  It’s so tedious.  But if that’s what it takes.  I’m willing to do it to find a good provider.

So wish me luck on my quest.  I’m still seeing my old pdoc…the nurse practitioner until I am sure that I have found a new doc that I can build a relationship with.  So here I go…off to the great unknown.