Broken

Broken

Everything about me is broken right now.  Relationships especially.  I even feel like I’m walking on broken glass.  Everything hurts.  How can one conversation take me from feeling in a sort of up cycle down to a broken, dark pit?  Probably because that argument happened with the one person I counted on to always be there and not be hateful and spiteful and just plain mean.

I’m no saint.  I played a part in it, too.  We probably both feel that we are in the right and justified.  Right now I don’t care about that.  I care about my angel face.  I must have hurt her for her to lash out so badly.  I didn’t mean to.  I was just trying to get a point across.

And then she decides to take away something that affects my budget even though my budget is so tight that any little deviance can throw it off.  All because of her thinking that she is doing me a “favor”, and I feel like I’m getting thrown a very cheap bone for services rendered.  Let her do it herself.  It used to make me proud and happy to make her life easier, but now she can do it for herself.  Maybe now she will see what it’s like, but she will never do it as good as I have.

Is she still there for me?  I don’t know.  The morning phone calls, the long talks about everything and nothing.  For all I know those are gone, too.  That is something else that is broken.  Something I looked forward to every day.

Just a dark day with no sign of reparation.  That’s what has me broken and hurt.  I need to take some drugs to go to sleep and try to sleep away this pain of yet another thing that is broken…my heart.  I truly feel like my heart is broken.  It’s a day of breaks, and this is the hardest one.  Will this ever be repaired?  Can you mend a broken heart?  Can I climb back out of this broken pit?  All I see is despair with nothing to look forward to. 

I really wanted to write a happy blog, but I guess I waited a little long to do it.  This will have to be it for now.