World Bipolar Day – I’m Still Me
I am proud to support the awareness for World Bipolar Day
and to try to do what I can to erase the stigma society has towards this
disorder and most mental illnesses. It
saddens me to know that so many people come from a place of ignorance and
uneducation on mental illness and people who struggle with mental illness. I can’t share everyone’s story, though, just
my own.
As someone with Bipolar II Disorder, I am still who you
think I am. I’m still me. The person you have always known. I’m bossy and sarcastic and a smart ass and
friendly and loyal and smart and honest and moody and bitchy. Those things have nothing to do with me
having Bipolar. Those are parts of my
personality and traits that I have. They
don’t go away just because I have Bipolar disorder.
Having Bipolar disorder doesn’t negate or change who I am as
a person. It doesn’t mean that I am
different. What it means is that, at any
given time, I am riding a wave of cycles that may run from hypomanic (happier,
more focused, more social, more productive) to stable/flat/plateau (kind of
business as usual with no particular elevated or depressed mood) to depressive
(my most severe problem with periods that are dark and intense and isolative
and withdrawn). These cycles may last
days or weeks or months. But throughout
these cycles, I’m still me. I don’t want
my family and friends to forget that.
I’m still here.
I call these cycles my “up” cycles or my “down” cycles. In between is just flat. Up for me is great. Life is good.
Down for me is hell. Life just
sucks. Stable cycles are where I spend a
great deal of time. It’s stable, like I
said, but it’s also a bit unemotional and not a lot of fun. It’s not bad, just not good. But no matter what cycle I am in, I am still
the friend that you know. I don’t change
at a basic level, just maybe how I am able to present with my current “mood or
cycle.”
My medication regimen has the goal of leveling out my cycles
(or moods) so that I am stable but still happy and productive with little of
the depression. It’s a work in progress
always. Medications stop working or side
effects happen or combinations aren’t positive.
It’s a moving target. That’s
something I deal with every day, trying to monitor what is working or not and
how to change that so that I can be the best “me” that I can be. But still, I am the same person I have always
been.
I know it can be confusing to like or love someone who has
Bipolar disorder. We can confuse ourselves,
too. Maybe just try to recognize that I
am working constantly to stay level in my cycles and moods, but I need to have
my friends and family understand that I really am the same person regardless of
what cycle I am in. I still need to reach
out to you and you to me. I need your
friendship not really your help. I just
need to keep it real with the understanding that sometimes, during my “up” or “down”
times I may act or feel just a little different and my reactions may seem a little
more extreme. I’m still in here, and I
still need those who love me to see me as the person I am.
That’s really it.
That’s what Bipolar Awareness means to me. Just to be aware. Understand.
Be patient. Be kind. Know that I am still the same person…not
different, just walking on a path that you may not always understand. But I don’t change who I am. My actions may be different, my emotions may
be extreme, but beneath it all, I am still the same person you have always
known and don’t want to be treated differently.
I am still me.
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