Meet The Parents

It’s been one of those down periods for me for a while now.  No particular reason why.  It just sucks.  I don’t even know why I’m writing.  I guess I just feel the need to reach out to my universe of friends and say that I’m sorry I’m isolating and not there for anyone right now.  I wish I could be better.  I really wish that.

One of the reasons that has me down is that I am meeting Kassi’s guy’s parents in a couple of weeks.  They have great careers with money and a good life.  I want to tell them that I am very well educated, that I had a great career, that I made lots of money, had a great house, took nice trips, took care of the people in my life.

But that life got blown to hell four years ago with my various mental health issues.  Now I feel like that life never was.  I’m going to meet them how I am, with nothing and no life, and I feel embarrassed and ashamed.  For me, and for Kassi.  I’m working on it with my therapist, but I can’t stop the feeling that I wish they also could know the me I used to be.  The me that wasn’t useless and a waste of space.  But that’s what they are going to see.  And I hope it doesn’t impact how they feel about my daughter.

Every time I think about it, I cry and/or have a panic attack.  I’m afraid of doing both at their house.  All I can do is pretend.

That’s about it.  That’s what I’m working on.  I hope you all are finding your way and having a peaceful day.