So I'm continuing my spravato and getting good results. I feel better, would have more energy if not for my sleep disorder, and have stopped feeling suicidal thoughts. Even with my agoraphobia, I went to the grocery store briefly by myself for the first time in years. And I got my driver's license after six years! I start once a week next week and hope I continue to feel better with fewer treatments.
I have to give a shout out to my daughter and son-in-law. They pay for my copays for all of my psych appointments to get the spravato, along with providing me with transportation since I can't drive, and it's a long trip each way. If they aren't able to take me, then they pay for an Uber which is also expensive. They are so supportive.
And again a shout out to them both for my teeth situation. I used to have beautiful teeth, but years of medication, dry mouth, no dental insurance, no money for treatment, physical conditions that cause a lot of nausea/vomiting, my teeth have gotten horrible to the point that I can't eat much, and I never open my mouth around people. I can't even smile now that I feel like it sometimes because my jagged front teeth cut my lip. I only smile with my grandson.
My daughter and son-in-law are paying for me to get all the work done to have better teeth. It's going to cost between $2,500 and $3,000. I told them I will try to pay them back a little at a time as I can, but money is so tight. It will take about 2 1/2 months and eight appointments. The first one will be really painful as I'm getting my top four teeth pulled. Ugh. Just the shots in the roof of the mouth will hurt so much, but it will be worth it. I'm also getting six fillings, bone grinding, and upper and lower partial dentures. It's overwhelming, but I hope by Christmas I will be able to smile and eat. Going to be hard to eat without top front teeth for two months as I also don't have any molars right now. I'm not worried about how they look since they look so bad right now. This could be a life changing experience for me, and I am so grateful to them.
I'm also a little anxious about my babysitting my 10 month old grandson. I have been babysitting him since he was born, but mainly from 4:00 a.m. till about 11:00 a.m. most days which works great with my sleep disorder. But now I will be babysitting about 3-4 days a week during the day for about 10-12 hours at a time Now that he is mobile, I am worried about keeping him occupied and entertained. My mom will be helping on some days when she can. And I get so tired late in the afternoon, but being with him helps keep me alert and happy so I am glad to do it. Especially since my daughter and son-in-law do so much for me. They, along with my mom, are pretty much my entire support system.
So, that's where I am. Usually I post these blogs to pages, but I don't think I will this one so nobody may read it, but I just wanted to get my thoughts down. So many of posts have been down that it is nice to post something positive. Keeping my thoughts up about continuing to improve.
Thanks for reading.
Sunday, August 25, 2019
Sunday, August 11, 2019
Ongoing Treatment With Spravato (Ketamine) Update
So it's been a few treatments, and I'm feeling like I should update on how things are going. I actually talked to a journalist who reached out to me and asked me about my experiences for an article she may be writing, and it was pretty cathartic to tell the entire story to someone who really wanted to listen. Usually I just tell people the basics because that's all they want to know, and I don't want to be a burden with details.
My treatment resistant bipolar depression has been going on for about three years. Because I also have generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, severe agoraphobia, a serious sleep disorder, and a few physical health problems, it can be hard to isolate just what is happening and what is cause and effect. For example, I know my sleep disorder which causes me to get 2-3 hours of sleep a day most days exacerbates all of my mental and physical issues. If that were gone, it would probably help my other problems. And my anxiety exacerbates my sleep disorder and my agoraphobia, etc.
But in just trying to isolate my reaction to the spravato specifically aimed at my depressive episode, I can say that I am cautiously optimistic that I am starting to see some results. I actually don't hate every single day or minute that I am awake. I smile sometimes. I can talk to my family and friends more easily. I'm no longer filled with daily suicidal ideations. And a big thing, after six years, I finally got my driver's license.
This has not been a fast and simple "cure all." But I do feel a little bit after each treatment which is more than I can say for any traditional medication that I have taken for 2-3 months. And I do find myself somewhat pressuring myself to feel better as this might be my last hope for improvement. But I'm trying not to go there. I'm just trying to feel what is real.
The treatments have gotten less intense with each one. The first nuisance (and previously undocumented side effect) is a burning in the back of the sinuses and top of the throat upon inhalation of the nasal spray. That lasts about 15 minutes. The dissociation isn't nearly as bad if I lie down with a blanket and a book, even if I read the same paragraph ten times. I just go with it now instead of fighting it, knowing that it will be gone in about two hours. It does leave me feeling kind of groggy and drowsy for a while, but that's ok.
At my next appointment they are increasing my dosage. There are only two dosages. The first dosage, then the higher, stronger dosage. I expect that my side effects may increase again for a little while, but that's ok. And while there are no longitudinal studies past about six months, the plan is to go down to once a week in another few weeks then maybe once every other week if that still maintains the progress. We will constantly evaluate.
So to my daughter and son-in-law who are paying for the doctor appointments and providing the transportation (you can't drive after), I thank them very much. This wouldn't be possible without them. I'm moving forward with a little bit of optimism, which is more than I've had in a long time. Just that little bit is showing improvement, and considering where I have been, a little improvement goes a long way.
My treatment resistant bipolar depression has been going on for about three years. Because I also have generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, severe agoraphobia, a serious sleep disorder, and a few physical health problems, it can be hard to isolate just what is happening and what is cause and effect. For example, I know my sleep disorder which causes me to get 2-3 hours of sleep a day most days exacerbates all of my mental and physical issues. If that were gone, it would probably help my other problems. And my anxiety exacerbates my sleep disorder and my agoraphobia, etc.
But in just trying to isolate my reaction to the spravato specifically aimed at my depressive episode, I can say that I am cautiously optimistic that I am starting to see some results. I actually don't hate every single day or minute that I am awake. I smile sometimes. I can talk to my family and friends more easily. I'm no longer filled with daily suicidal ideations. And a big thing, after six years, I finally got my driver's license.
This has not been a fast and simple "cure all." But I do feel a little bit after each treatment which is more than I can say for any traditional medication that I have taken for 2-3 months. And I do find myself somewhat pressuring myself to feel better as this might be my last hope for improvement. But I'm trying not to go there. I'm just trying to feel what is real.
The treatments have gotten less intense with each one. The first nuisance (and previously undocumented side effect) is a burning in the back of the sinuses and top of the throat upon inhalation of the nasal spray. That lasts about 15 minutes. The dissociation isn't nearly as bad if I lie down with a blanket and a book, even if I read the same paragraph ten times. I just go with it now instead of fighting it, knowing that it will be gone in about two hours. It does leave me feeling kind of groggy and drowsy for a while, but that's ok.
At my next appointment they are increasing my dosage. There are only two dosages. The first dosage, then the higher, stronger dosage. I expect that my side effects may increase again for a little while, but that's ok. And while there are no longitudinal studies past about six months, the plan is to go down to once a week in another few weeks then maybe once every other week if that still maintains the progress. We will constantly evaluate.
So to my daughter and son-in-law who are paying for the doctor appointments and providing the transportation (you can't drive after), I thank them very much. This wouldn't be possible without them. I'm moving forward with a little bit of optimism, which is more than I've had in a long time. Just that little bit is showing improvement, and considering where I have been, a little improvement goes a long way.
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