Help And Support

I'm crying as I write this because right now this is one of the most important things to me. Whether you have bipolar or some other mental illness, having a support team in place to help you can be the difference between succeeding and failing.  Support can come in the form of doctors, therapists, friends, family, and support groups.  It's hard to support someone with these disorders.  We can be an awful bunch.  And a lot of times we push away the very people we need the most.

That is what has been happening with me recently.  I've pushed away people, but the one person who I thought would always be there for me and support me as I navigated these rough waters, has said she no longer has any interest in being my support.  In fact, she doesn't even want to be part of my life.  She's been the very closest thing I've had, and I've tried to support her, but maybe I haven't done a very good job because she is fed up with me.  Maybe I deserve it.  When you get this far into your disorder and emotions, it's hard to tell.  But to me loyalty is extremely important because I know I won't always be on good behavior.  I guess her loyalty was pushed too far.

I'm down to very little in the way of support now which probably means that I'm going to get a lot worse before I get better.  The few people I have left have to feel frustrated hearing me go on and on, and I might lose them, too.  But nothing will compare to what I lost today.  She's always been my beacon of light when things were bad.  I could navigate through to find her through my hard times.

She was pretty rough with me today.  I felt like a boxer against the ropes taking punch after punch with no way to defend myself until it was finally a knockout.  One that I don't know how to recover from.  I won't sugar coat it, it makes me feel suicidal.  Without this person in my life, I don't have the will to live.

If you have a support system, try to do what you can to keep them.  They are valuable.  This is a very lonely, selfish disease and hold those dear who are there for you.  You never know when you may be down to your very last.