Plateaus

For people dealing with Bipolar II, what is a plateau?  A plateau is where I am right now.  It’s a combination of being in limbo and purgatory.  While I don’t have manic episodes, I do have periods where I am able to concentrate and focus and be productive.  Unfortunately, these episodes are typically followed by extremely depressive episodes.

Well I’ve been out of the depressive episode right now for a couple of months, but I can’t seem to reach higher…thus the plateau.  It’s a place more of complacency than actual contentment.  My doctors and I try various methods to enhance this plateau and move me higher, but alas, it is not to be right at this time.  But I will continue the work while hoping not to backslide.

I am looking forward to Christmas with the people who mean the most to me in the world…my mom, my son-in-law, and my precious angel face who remains my beacon of hope.  That is the shining hope in my resigned condition.

For those uniformed who think that this condition is a “choice”, let me be clear that no one wants to be in this position.  I could and would never choose to be in this place.  And yet here I am.  I am doing the work and trying to make progress…baby steps though they may be.

And I am so very fortunate to have a wonderful support system of friends and family.  My world sometimes is a very tenuous and virtual existence.  My friends stand by me when I can’t communicate or interact in person.  They understand that if I could change this, I would.  But still they are there for me with love and communication to get me through each day while I try to celebrate the small victories on my road to overcome the plateau.  For these people, my heart is filled with love.

The rabbit hole looms in the distance, and I am determined to not go down.  I know that it is not a choice, but it is a fight I have to fight, nonetheless.  This is for those people in my life who encourage me and support me and love me and share my hopes and continue to walk this path by my side.  I am forever grateful for your patience, laughter, and inspiration that I, too, will make it to the other side.