Well, I'm here in our new apartment, new city. I knew it would be same shit, different day, but I was hoping. I guess I can't complain. There are some good things. I'm so much closer now to Kassi and my upcoming grandson that I will be able to see them often. That's the real benefit of moving.
Most of you know that my mom and I live together. So it's mostly just the two of us. I don't really have any physical friends except one, just a couple online. And my only family here is my mom and daughter. I have a couple of family members that live far away that I can talk to sometimes. Sometimes I am unbearably lonely.
I am mentally disabled, so I don't, and can't, work a job or volunteer. I am in a mixed bipolar state right now which is making me crazy, along with med changes. But the thing that bothers me most is that I am incredibly bored with no purpose. I watch TV, read books, and get on the computer or sometimes the phone. That's it. And sleep. Because sleep is all I want to do when I have nothing to do. Kassi tells me that baby Logan will give me more purpose when he gets here, and I believe her. I want to be the best grandma possible and look forward to as much time as I can spend with him now that we live near each other.
And this damn mixed state has me depressed and sad, upset, bored, overly anxious, overly worrying, overly analyzing everything. It bothers me, and I know it irritates other people. I've lost two friends in the last month.
I don't have any real purpose for writing this morning. Just putting some thoughts down because I'm crying, again, and just feel horrible. And I'm worried about money and our car is broken. I'm always worried about money.
That's it. At least I have Kassi and Martin coming over today to look forward to for an hour or so. That will be nice. I hope all the rest of you have a good day.
